Art of the 7th Lily

Dec 29, 2024

Who here has suffered through a broken heart and then faced the decision to either forgive & heal or be resentful and hold a grudge for all eternity?

I can’t speak for all…but I would be willing to bet that most of us could understand those feelings wholeheartedly in some capacity. Not the same experiences per se…but rather the feelings and emotions that derive from a personal occurrence that has left oneself desolate.

It’s hard to listen to someone who may have advice on topics they’ve never lived through personally on some level as your own, right? However, trauma and pain share many archetypes and many models with different myriad paths — thus the idea of different experiences per individual.

Picture this for a moment…

A man torn: his heart shattered with his head in his hands from her leaving. But this was a man after the Most High’s own heart. He’s faithful in seeking and understanding the divine nature of the Lord. Almost daily, he sought out the wisdom of the Great Spirit, attuning himself to that and not of the world — and yet he was perplexed in deciding to stay in a commitment with toxic dynamics. Their views on morals, ideals, and values were never truly aligned.

Be that it may, this man constantly prayed for divinely guided answers for what to do and the direction he should take for the relationship.

But was he listening?

He knew the answer. But how could he possibly take that leap and leave everything he invested in behind? The relationships they formed while they were together, the reputation that they held as a couple, their finances intertwined, the home they had made, and years of dedication would be gone!

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.” (Matthew 6:24)

Instead, he made many sacrifices and modifications of himself — doing all he could do, hoping to compromise so that things would change between them. Never realizing that he could never change her, only himself, while at some point…eventually losing sight of who he was.

As he did this, they both grew frustrated, angry, bitter, argumentative, verbally abusive at times, and resentful.

Nothing was working!

He was so disappointed with his efforts and the relationship and even disappointed in the One who created him.

Wouldn’t you be?

Yet the One who created him was signaling his heart space to reconsider his path, but he continued to ignore it.

Nevertheless, he chose to stay, for the choice was his and only his to choose.

But a time came when she decided to leave.

He offered marital counseling, but she refused it. He offered marital seminars, but she didn’t want it.

So, now, what do you think happened to him??

After giving so much of himself emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually, he felt betrayed on a level so profound that he had never imagined he would endure. But in reality, he was the one that betrayed himself all along.

The pain he felt was so horrific that there wasn’t a single word that could describe the utter agony he felt. Not a soul could possibly comprehend the displacement of what was now lost.

All that effort, all that time…gone!

Shook in that moment, he undoubtedly grieves and mourns. His world is upside down, and he questions everything and everyone he’s ever known.

Alone in a room, he cries to God, asking, “Why?!”

“How could you do this? How could this have happened?”

So many questions raced through his mind, his heavy heart riddled with an unending ache and confusion that wouldn’t cease — that only with time alone could it render its healing. However, time stood still, and five minutes felt like an eternity.

The smells of fragrances and foods he once shared with his partner made him vomit from remembering such things. For months, he’s unable to eat anything solid and drops weight effortlessly.

A chamber in his heart stops beating for a time.

At nightfall, he closes his eyes, weeping into a pillow nestled tightly to his chest, hoping that when he wakes, it’s all just a dream. Only to find that the nightmare is an actual reality by morning, and tears begin to fall once more.

The cycle of pain continues for months, day in and day out. He is still unable to stomach food except for liquids to drink and is incapable of staying still, battling through endless restlessness. He feels that if he were to pause for a moment, he would inevitably die from the mere hardship of pain that resided in his heart, praying that it goes away.

With relentless tears, all he could do was muster the strength to walk until his legs grew so heavy that he could finally rest until the next round of anxiety would strike again.

He continues to ask the same questions, waiting for a reply, begging for answers. But it seems that only while he sleeps can he be still long enough for God/Creator to speak to him, showing him the pathway forward. He doesn’t understand the dreams he received, but he knows they must mean something that gives light to a journey he must take.

But what?

As time passed, he finally decided to work through the gruesome process. He dug into his shadow self, confronting childhood wounds, past relationships, and circumstances that molded his ego of what he thought he believed but never wanted to confront nor deal with.

He could face the hard, long battle — “ the road less traveled”- by doing the work needed to be whole and to find himself. Or…become the very thing that caused him to break — to fear love that would lead to a heart of bitterness. The idea of new love; where could it lead after experiencing a devastating event that shook the heavens and the earth below?

However, choosing to work through the process would ultimately give him the answers to the “whys” he so desperately wanted to know.

The choice isn’t an easy one.

One path calls him deep into his “inner world” to look and remember things buried within himself. He’s placed them in boxes, bound by chains, sitting in a corner of his heart space labeled “the forgotten past” — yet still there. And it would always haunt him until he was ready to reclaim that cornered space and rid it of the clutter he had carried for so long.

Or…

The second path is never to open them while they collect dust, hoping they will remain undisturbed. But in that space…love cannot fill it nor move freely. With this approach to handling life’s emotional hardships, he would become a hoarder of “damaged emotional baggage.”

On this journey came the awakening and sobering moment of the answer he had been looking for.

Why did he go through that experience that had a catastrophic ending?

Because it was his choice.

The Bible tells a story about the apostles on a boat, right? And then they see and witness the Lord coming toward them, walking on the water to catch up with them. Peter calls to the Lord and says that if it is him, to call him out upon the water to walk with Him. So, the Lord calls Peter out of the boat, telling him to join Him and walk on the water.

Now understand, there’s no land in sight!

No life jackets, no plank of wood floating by to grab hold of…nothing! All he has is faith and doing what he’s called to do!

What a deep end to be in, right?

But as Peter saw the wind roaring and the waves kicking, he remembered he was walking on water!

He began to doubt, and then he began to sink.

But get this part!!

Before the Lord called Peter out on the water…Peter said, “…Lord, if it be thou (you), bid me (Peter) come unto thee on the water.” (Matthew 14:28)

Now, hold up! Did y’all catch that?!!

1. Peter saw the Lord walking on the water.

2. Peter told the Lord that if it were him, to call him out upon the water.

3. The Lord calls Peter on the water.

4. Peter gets out of the boat and walks on the water.

5. Peter saw the wind picking up and got scared!

6. Peter began to doubt…the dude was trippin’!

7. Peter then began to sink…meaning Peter wanted to turn back because he got SCARED of what he saw!

The point…

Peter asked, but Peter doubted it.

But here’s the twist…

As Peter began to sink, the Lord stretched his hand and caught him and said, “…O thou (you) of little faith, wherefore (for what reason) didst (did) thou (you) doubt?” (Matthew 14:31)

Thus, we should never doubt when the Lord calls us out of the boat…especially if we ask!

If we ask the Lord to show us the path to take, and it’s revealed to us…trust, believe, and walk on it! And if for one second you begin to doubt what you know that Spirit has called you to do when you’ve asked for it, believe that you will be safeguarded, protected, and secured…no matter how scary it is.

If you trip, He will catch you. If you fall over, he will grab you.

If we choose to keep our mind, heart, and soul forever fixed upon Him and His will — how can we fail?

I’m not sayin’ it’s not scary lookin’ — it’s a choice.

I know it’s hard because we see the world in its material sense and question whether we should or shouldn’t take leaps of faith due to fear. But if not, we become susceptible to the comforts of our situations and stay fixed, even if we’re unhappy, bitter, and unfilled — because it’s the beast we already know. We can be “creatures of habit”, even if the habit is unhealthy.

But our God-given power is free will.

For it’s a gift to be used productively or destructively.

Back to the torn man…

You see, this guy was presented with choices. When he prayed for direction, the direction manifested itself but was ignored. But then, he faced more choices: healing or continuing life roaming the earth unhealed. Ultimately, he and his partner endured more unnecessary hardships that could have been avoided. Yes, the break-up would have been devastating, but better than the aftermath of several years of despair and helplessness.

He realized that if only he had trusted the direction of the divine guidance he had received, his recovery wouldn’t have been so tumultuous. Ultimately, the issue was never really with her, but it was all in his choice to stay. He inevitably chose to endure it.

He now knows that his power is in his free will.

That his power was and will forever be in his choice.

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